I’ve been seeing this video going around Facebook and popping everywhere on my Youtube. It is a small excerpt from the show “Bride & Prejudice”. I have never seen this show but a quick Google search states “The program follows couples planning to wed, but whose family disapprove of their relationship.”
And as you can see from the title of this post, the parents were not okay with their son marrying another man. As a gay man, my first reaction was to grab my pitchfork and join the mob wanting to take the mom’s head. After watching the full video however, I ended up empathizing with both sides.
On one side, you have someone trying to marry the person they love. On the other, you see someone who has a moral obligation to their beliefs.
Chris, the Son
This is Chris’ coming out story. And sadly, we had to watch him crumble as his parents rejected his wedding invite. While tragic, I think this is a great learning experience for all gay folks who are having trouble coming out to their parents. You will not always get a happy outcome. But don’t worry! One sad ending can lead to happy one. Here is Chris and his husband during their wedding.
He waited a month before his big day to let his parents know he is gay and getting married. The timing, in my opinion, was a bit off. He should have given them time to accept him being gay, and then some time to accept him getting married to another man. The mom herself even said he should have been more truthful about himself. That way, he could be more aware of the expectations.
Also, why are you even putting your life on television like that? If you know your parents are not accepting of homosexuals, why sign up for a Reality T.V. show only to then get rejected? A happier ending could have been forced since his parents would feel they had to accept the invite on television. But that didn’t go as planned…
I feel bad for the guy. I really do.
His parents let him know that they still love him, and want to see him, but at a compromise of keeping out of his personal life. Chris’ reaction was obviously out of frustration that his parents were choosing their faith over his big day. I do think him completely shutting his parents out of his life was a bad move. Yes, you didn’t get what you were hoping for. Yes, it is something hard to deal with. And yes, you are their son so they could just put their personal bias aside. But that is not how the world works. And you only get 1 mother and father. So accept their faults, even if they are shitty.
Yvonne, the Mother
Now, let’s look at the mom. While I’m not a religious person myself, I can also see where Yvonne is coming from. Her 39 year old son has kept his sexuality a secret from her. She is expected to change all of her personal views and beliefs in the 10 minutes she was on television. Yvonne is a practicing Jehovah Witness. and while Jehovah Witness’s have peaceful beliefs, they do look negatively at homosexuality.
There is one point in the video where Yvonne states “I’m entitled to my beliefs”. This is what made me want to leave the riot against her. Yvonne, while on a stance that I don’t agree with, is still a human being. We want freedom for all people. Freedom means being able to believe and practice what you want. By pressuring her to conform means taking her freedom. So where do we draw the line?
It must have been just as hard on her to find out her son is gay. I wonder how long Yvonne was waiting for Chris to meet a nice girl and bring her grandchildren, only to have her dream stomped in a matter of seconds. While Chris is getting a lot of support from the media and from people on Twitter, what support is Yvonne getting after this event? Sure we disagree with her, but she isn’t harming anyone.
Where I have to critique Yvonne is her putting God before her son. I’m not religious so I can’t say I have ever felt God as tangible, but her son is very much tangible. In a way, she is blindly pushing her son to the side for something that can’t really be confirmed. And while Jehovah Witnesses are live and let live, couldn’t she just attend and pray for forgiveness later?
The main hate Yvonne is receiving is not giving her son the happy ending he wanted. That is why I’m so fascinated by this story. It felt very real on what gay men have to experience sometimes. Let this video callous you a bit. It isn’t sunshine and rainbows every single day. At times, it is sitting across the table from your parents, with your face in your hands, and the only sound in the room are your tears hitting the floor.
In The End
Overall, it’s too easy to get your pitchforks ready against someone you disagree with. In a world where we have good guys and bad guys, we want to always side with the good. In this example, Yvonne is choosing to not adapt into something you probably agree with. She is bad in your eyes. But in Yvonne’s world, community, and religion, she is strong, faithful, and good.
What I’m trying to get at, try to understand both sides. If Yvonne reacted in a more violent matter of trying to murder her son for being gay, I wouldn’t be as easy on her. But she, in a respectful manner, turned down her son’s request to attend a wedding between two men. This is something she felt she could not do.
What do you think? Is Yvonne a bad person for holding her beliefs? What would you do if your child waited till they were 40 to let you know they were gay?