Chapter 3: Mystery At The Supermarket

I’m on my way to buy groceries. I would prefer to just stay in and have my food delivered, but I’ve heard from my parents, friends, articles, nutritions, co workers, and god himself that buying groceries is better for you and your wallet. I don’t have a car so I hate having to go buy groceries for the week and carry them back. I do try and keep a positive outlook though. I’m always hoping I will be like in the movies where me and someone attractive are both in the same aisle and fall madly in love over a box of Little Debbies. Wish me luck!

I always do the same routine when shopping. I always enter the wrong entrance, the one without the carry baskets if you don’t Want to use a shopping cart, walking past a huge crowd of people thinking I’m the sexiest thing to have ever walked through this store, and pick up the last basket available. I prefer to use the carry baskets over shopping carts because, since I don’t have a car I will have to carry my goodies back home. So when this basket gets to heavy, then I have to much for skeleton arms to take.

I get my basket and give the produce aisle the cold shoulder. It’s not that I don’t want anything there or hate eating fresh fruits and veggies. I just can’t cook. It is something I can never forgive myself for. To this day, I always feel a deep shame when I walk away from the fresh produce while everyone else walks towards it. But oh well, bygones be bygones.

Here we go….

First thing is first. I need to get the essentials, cheese, lunch meat, and bread. And if it is that time of the year, a new jar of mayo and hot sauce. I couldn’t imagine life without sandwiches. I always thought of sandwiches as the food of the gods. It has everything you need from all the food groups, easy to make, and you can always add new things to it to make it a unique experience without taking away too much from the original recipe. Kind of like a way the perfect relationship should be. Firm recipe, but flexible.

Next, coffee creamers. There is no real strategy for how I pick my creamers. I just look at whats on sale. The real fun here is thinking on why some creamers are on sale, and why some aren’t. Is one not popular enough anymore? Is a group of them about to expire? Did sales not reach their quota for a certain company? Are people just more into vanilla than they are caramel? Whatever the case, which one of these creamy fuckers will respect me and my cheap ways? And which won’t be heavy enough for me to carry along with a tiny carton of soy milk? Coffee Mate for 2.39 it is!

Where to next…

While I look for food for the week and my future soul mate, I always start to glamorize the experience of shopping at a super market. I feel like there is a lot of mystery and poetry on every shelf. Take this bottle of Tylenol that is one sale for 2.99 for 24 tablets. Did you know that in 1982, there was a murderer who went around to stores and put poisoned tablets into a bunch of different bottles of Tylenol? 7 people died and the new policy for selling goods became that they had to be sealed. Thats why so many bottles now have those “Do Not Use If Seal Is Broken” warnings everywhere. The poetry here is how you can compare a bottle of tampered medicine to your own heart. How someone opened you up and left toxic product all around. Leaving you broken. So when the next person comes to pick you off the shelf, they see that warning of Do Not Use, with your seal broken from your last experience, that he shelves you right back and gets Advil instead.

Almost there….

I’m almost done with my shopping, I just need to get over my fear of frozen foods. I have this theory that people who buy frozen food are not adults yet. Adults know how to cook fresh food from the produce aisle, yet here I am. I know it isn’t true but I can’t get over it. I always get so shy and embarrassed when I buy a bag of frozen veggies. The only thing justifying my actions is that the veggie are on a 2 for 1 special! I always look around like if I’m intruding into somewhere I shouldn’t be and I don’t want to get caught. I don’t want people seeing me buy 6 bags of frozen potatoes with sauce. If people knew how good these were, they wouldn’t judge me!! I quickly throw them into the bottom of my basket, and hurry over to frozen burritos and pizzas and try my best to ignore their calling out to me.

Last but not least, soups. And by soups, I mean Ramen.

Oh how I love stove top ramen with all my heart. These are things I never feel guilty about buying. If there was any food I could relate to, it would be stove top ramen. Flexible when you warm it up, different kind of flavors depending on your mood, high in sodium from holding back the tears of not being able to make yourself a home cooked meal. This is the closest thing I have to cooking, and I’m okay with that for now. While I am upset that I couldn’t get the courage to try something new and attempt to cook for myself, the experience and glamour of seeing different produce and products always inspires me of new ideas. The recipe for a story.

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