Recently, I was part of a discussion where a group of men were discussing what is ethical and unethical sex. It was an annoying topic, mainly because people just kept using the argument “well it is a spectrum”. I know that life is a spectrum, but if your only valid point is that something is a spectrum then it makes me just not want to listen to you as I would rather here specific points…
ANYWAYS, we finally got to the subject where I decided to ask if open relationships were ethical or unethical. The entire room said it was ethical because it is a spectrum. Which is fine because there is no winning that, but I wanted to continue being a little devil’s advocate and really push people to define what exactly an open relationship means to them. You as the reader also answer the question without looking it up on google: what is an open relationship?
This got a little interesting because the entire room started saying they have been in open relationships and that it meant you can still have sex with other people other than your partner. Simple enough, but I didn’t like that answer, because I felt that these people have actually never been in an open relationship before. To me, an open relationship means you are committed to one person, but can also be committed to another. Hence that it is open and each individual is allowed to do whatever they want. That was my response and oooh boooooy were people not happy with it.
After five spectrum responses, someone finally defined that my idea of being able to freely commit to multiple people is cheating. So basically, the new age thing is if you have sex with someone else while you are in a relationship, that is not cheating. But if you text a person you find cute, that is cheating. And that just made me get incredibly confused. How can these group of young men think they are being so trendy and new age by being in an open relationship, but then actually not be so open about it. To me, there is no such thing as cheating in an open relationship. Open in the “open relationship” means there are no borders.
But I also have to challenge my own beliefs and think of the other side. I understand that people in relationships get bored and need to zest up the bedroom. We’re all human and worship the human body and want it hella bad. I merely just wanted to challenge people’s thoughts on what they think is okay, and what they aren’t okay with. One example was you could have sex with other people, but you cannot text your hook ups for anything else. Or you can’t hang out with them after, no kissing, not at the house etc.
Which reminds me, one time I went on a date with this older gentleman who was like 50 years old. He wasn’t super old looking or anything, he was tall, about 6’3, still had dark hair, and still had hair, and was a good muscle build. We went out for drinks and I saw his wedding ring and already imagined their spouse coming through the front door and destroying me. I started to ask him about his spouse and if they knew he was on a date right now. He told me that the conditions they came up with was once a year, they would have a season where they are both allowed to see other people and go on dates, travel, and have sex. And lucky me, I met him on the right time of year. I felt bad because he told me the spouse wasn’t actually 100% okay with it, but still agreed as long as neither of them broke the rules. While clearly this man was here having fun, the spouse was just at home trying not to think about what happens every time of year. Kinda sounds like a plot of a really bad horror movie…
But just like the married people, these young men define what is and isn’t okay. My response is just that an open relationship is just another label for whore. I personally would want my future mate to think I’m a virgin, even though that is far from the truth, and that my legs only open up for him and that my body is a temple, even though it is more like a drive thru.
And while I looked like a completely prude bitch by the end of the meeting, I enjoyed the discussion and getting people to open up what they think is ethical and unethical in an open relationship without “expectrum patronum” responses.