It is weird to imagine how so much can happen when you are just sitting alone in a room. You start to feel numb, but at the same time feel your blood rushing into every part of your body. Your hands start to get sweaty, and when you look at them, they look like they don’t belong to you. You start to wonder what exactly is going on, and why is your body acting this way.
You quickly stop what you were doing and try to figure out what is happening. You get up and start to pace your room. You open your window and let some air and sunlight into your room. You begin to get scared, and have no idea what is going on as you try to figure out a way to make it stop. You power walk over to the kitchen while avoiding contact without anyone else in the house and get some water. You chug it down and see that it didn’t help. You quickly refill the glass and walk back into your room and shut the door. You grab onto your self and feel yourself shaking. What is going on? How do I make it stop?
You look in the mirror and stare at yourself. You feel as if you aren’t really able to see, like what is in front of you is not there. The person in the mirror looks so bizarre, even though you know it is you. You notice your eyes twitching a bit and it freaks you out. You want to look away from the mirror, but you can’t help but feel bad for the person you are staring at. You feel as if your vision is getting blurry, and you start to feel dizzy. You grab on to something to help keep your balance. You start to feel a pain in your chest which sets off an alarm in your mind. Is this it for me?
Am I having a heart attack? You start to feel your heart pound fast and hard. Your heart is pumping so hard, you feel as if you can hear it. And your entire numb self is filled with fear at the thought of having a heart attack. You begin to think about how it would be to die, what you haven’t been able to do in life, and everyone you are going to miss. You drop to the ground and get yourself into a little ball and feel hopeless. You are certain you are having a heart attack, and cannot figure out what to do to stop it, so you give up.
All of a sudden, you feel as if you are no longer in the right mind. You feel as if you have gone insane. You are laying then on the ground, and begin to clutch on to the little self awareness that you have. Maybe you are not having a heart attack, maybe you are just going crazy. You feel your heart pounding blood into the body your mind has left. You are just waiting for your vision to give out and for the entire room to go black. You are ready to begin your transition and say goodbye to your life. Suddenly, you hear people outside your window, you hear birds chirping, you feel warm, and everything has reverted back to normal.
Taken from NAMI (National Alliance Of Mental Illness), Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience mental illness in a given year.
1 in every 25 adults in the U.S. experience a serious mental illness in a given year that limits their major life activities.
1 in 5 youth aged 13 – 18 experience a severe mental disorder at some point in their life.
You just read what it is like to have a panic attack, something people who are familiar with mental disorders are accustomed to. It is something they have to deal with on a daily basis. Where the closed room you are in becomes a circus with too much to focus on. It is such a struggle to tell yourself everything is going to be okay. Learning to calm down from mental attacks and breakdowns is a challenge.
The pictures in this post are from a man named Louis Wain. Louis Wain was an artist born in 1860, and died in 1939.He was a very talented man who loved to draw pictures of cats. However, if you notice the first cat picture down to the last, you start to see how his style of drawing changes. Louis Wain unfortunately suffered from the mental disorder known as schizophrenia. It is theorized that has he went deeper into his mental state, his drawings became less self aware and more abstract like his thoughts. He used what he had to inspire his work for it to now be share on the internet a century later. He found a hubby that made him happy through all the mental chaos. He is good inspiration on someone who suffers from anxiety, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, or any other mental issue. Find something to channel your energy rather than keeping it inside your head. Get those thoughts out of your head and create art. You are not alone in your fight.
If you, or know anyone who have been having suicidal thoughts, do not hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. Your life is too valuable to just give up. Fight through whatever chaos is contaminating your mind and reach out.